#7 Vicky Osbourn: Stroke Survivor's Story - When Stress Speaks Through the Body

In this powerful episode of I’m Fine – The Truth Behind the Smile, Jayne sits down with Vicky Osbourn, who spent years navigating high-pressure corporate environments while regularly carrying the emotional and physical weight of stress. 

From adapting to demanding personalities and workplace expectations to the pressure of constantly appearing “fine,” this conversation explores the hidden emotional labour many professionals experience every day.

Everything changed after a life-altering health crisis - a stroke initially dismissed as high blood pressure - forcing a complete reassessment of stress, wellbeing, recovery and the culture of silence that still exists in many workplaces.

Together, they discuss the emotional impact of supporting others and why saying “I’m fine” is often anything but the truth. They dive deep into the reality of stress, burnout and invisible pressure in corporate life, as well as the journey of recovering both physically and psychologically after a stroke, including the profound impact serious illness has on families. 

The conversation highlights why workplace wellbeing must go beyond surface-level check-ins, emphasising the crucial importance of communication, boundaries and psychological safety. 

Finally, they share small, practical wellbeing practices that genuinely help during moments of overwhelm. 

This is an honest, moving, and deeply relatable conversation about resilience, identity, recovery and learning to listen when the body says enough.

Vicky Osbourn - Busy mum of two teenagers and a husband (who wants to be a teenager) that juggles full-time work whilst desperately clinging on the the vestiges of calmness and wholesomeness in an ever-changing world and life.

Connect with Vicky on LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/vicky-osbourn-60472613  / Facebook - vickyhollyfield_osbourn / Instagram - vickyhollyfield_osbourn

EF training exists because nobody should have to pour from an empty cup. Founded by Jayne Ellis who learnt the hard way so you don't have too.

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If you or someone you know would like to join the conversation and be a guest on our podcast, please get in touch. 

Connect with us at info@eftraining.co.uk

Visit us at http://eftraining.co.uk for more information about Jayne Ellis and learn about our Compassion Fatigue and Emotional Resilience Training for Organisations and Individuals.

Please note: This podcast is intended for education and supportive purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you are struggling, please reach out to a qualified professional or contact your GP. 

The views and options expressed by guests on this podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views, values or position of EF training Ltd. Guest content is shared in the spirit of open conversation, learning and intended as a safe space for honest dialogue. 

Transcript

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Hello, and welcome to this week's episode of I'm Fine. My lovely guest this week is Vicky Osborne, and we met because actually we share a chiropractor, who's actually Trudi, who works with me. Lovely Trudi. Absolutely. The lovely Trudi. And then out of that relationship came us going and doing some work for the organization that she works with. And we've been doing that for about a year we've been involved with you guys now, I think, isn't it? Yeah. And we've done some bespoke training for you. And I will now let Vicky just introduce herself and tell us a little bit about your career and what sort of brought you to this point of what you're doing now. Hi, Jayne. Good to see you. So I've... have worked predominantly in the, I suppose you'd argue, personal assistant/supportive role up to the point that I've moved into a more of a marketing role. Wow. That has changed insofar as I've got more involved with more support for not just my boss, but also on projects that I deal with myself. I guess that ups the ante in terms of stress levels, but it's also perhaps more rewarding because I do stuff that I take complete ownership for, which is something I value. But yeah, It was quite nice actually moving from a support work into work where I did actually control what I was doing compared to the idea that everything gets given to you. But, I know where my skills are and my value really is, and that's organizing other people, telling them what to do. I can't believe that. You know me too well. So what would you say are some of the main stresses of working in the role that you have then? I think it's dealing with different people. I think I've had many different bosses over the time, and each time you have to adapt to that. And even with some of the areas that I have responsibility for, there's more understanding the new teams that you're working with or the new personalities. And it's interesting because a boss years and years ago said, "I don't think you're good with change." And I was like, "I don't even know how you can say that when I've moved up and down the country and changed jobs this many times." And he said, "Oh, okay, maybe it's creativity then." Because in my role I have to change and adapt to other people, so it's, something that I have to understand what they need, what their requirements are, et cetera. And I think that's something that is maybe not necessarily appreciated, but it's something that you have to sit down, understand, agree, disagree, and if it doesn't work, then, A, it doesn't work, but most times it does. But yeah it's challenging, just more personalities I think as much as anything else and demands on your time. What if you were going to design the ideal boss then? Gosh. What would you say to them about how they could support you? I think it's communication. I think that's the key for me. Because I need them to tell me when haven't done something or if I'm not doing something up to standard, or that they need more or less support. It's generally, and equally it's gotta work the other way in that I've got to be able to say, push back. And we're not always gonna get on honestly eye to eye, so it's important that you have that relationship, but it's knowing that's the relationship and it's not a case of, "Wow, I can't believe you said that to me." It's more a case of you can say it to me." It's gotta work both ways. Yeah. So I think that it's just more that understanding each other and that only comes with time as well. I think it's working out how people need the support, what they don't need, what they need more of rather than what they need less of. So it it's all about relationship. I was once described as a work wife, which I think was a compliment, but I'm not entirely sure. They probably spend more time with you. Yeah, arguably, yes. Yeah. No I get it. I... You hear it sometimes from people like paramedics who always work- with the same group of people or within the police force where they're, 12 hours a day with the same person in a car. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. You get to know that person really well. If you were gonna go back to the beginning of your career- a long time ago A long time ago. Yeah, if you asked me the same question, I would also say a long time ago. Is there any advice you would give yourself at that point about how to handle, the career pathway that you chose? Don't sweat the small stuff. I think that's something that many a- Okay a sleepless night stressing over something that was actually not that important in the scheme of things. And, back to the sort of communication side of things, I think it's really important to tell someone at the point that it's bothered you. There's no point in going back, I don't know, three months and saying and when you did this, and when you do that," that doesn't help anybody. Whether it's people you're working for or people who work with you. But it's just, for me I like interacting with people. I like that relationship with other people, and I think that has only got more so as I've got older. But it's interesting because when I was younger, the idea of doing something for the first time was terrifying. That idea of going to somewhere or doing an event or any kind of process or anything is quite scary. Once you've done it- Yeah you're done. You know it, and you put it in your sort of brain as something you know what to do. So that less anxiety about the things you don't know, I think that's quite an interesting concept because my son, bless him, is exactly like I was and goes through that whole anxiety before he's got to do something for the first time. But actually, once he's done it, he's sorted, but it is trying to not spend too long dwelling on something, and something that... I get it. We all like to do something perfectly. We all like to have the perfect recommendations from people and things like that, but we're not great at everything. We just have to do the best we can, and as long as you feel you've done the best you can, that's ultimately all we can do. Talking to my daughter- Yeah with her GCSEs, that's all we're doing at the moment. Do the best you can. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. You were saying your daughter's got a T-shirt that says, "I'm fine, it's all fine." Yeah. It's excellent. My husband found it, and I thought it was truly brilliant. Yeah. Obviously, that's the that's the theme of the podcast. And so my next question to you is how often do you say, "I'm fine," when actually you're not? And do you think that's changed over time as well? Probably... It's interesting, isn't it? When you ask someone how they are and in the office, and they say "Yeah, I'm fine," and you sometimes look at them and go, "Oh, I don't think you are." Whereas other people, that's sufficient. You don't need to engage with them in that conversation. Yeah. So I think that from my perspective, I probably do say it more than I should. And when I was younger, maybe you didn't wanna let on that you weren't fine. Yeah whereas now I think, "Ugh, yeah, yes, no, whatever," you're in that frame of mind. But I think it is an overused phrase because it is typically it's an argument with your partner, isn't it? "I'm fine. Fine." And they go, "You are anything but fine, and I know it just from the way you said it." Yeah. Whereas, with work environments you're a bit like, "Yes, I'm fine." They go, "Great," and then move on, that's all they need to hear And I don't know how interested people are if you say you're not fine, genuinely. Yeah. There is that too. There's also, because you work in a corporate environment, there is a slightly different attitude, I think, towards saying whether you're fine or whether you're not fine in, in the way that it is then perceived by the person that you're speaking to. Yeah. Would you agree? Yeah. I think again, it comes down to the people that you're dealing with, I think. There are those that you know very well, and when they say that- You can pick up almost instantly that they're anything but. Whereas other people, I think they are more resilient perhaps and more able to things bounce off them. So I think it just depends on how they... For me, it's all about your demeanor and how you come across really. Yeah. And I'm a bit like are you really?" They're like, "Don't ask me. Don't make me cry." Hand comes up. Yeah. That hand comes up. Yeah, absolutely. So you suffered with your health. Yeah. Something that you attributed potentially to being a stress response. Are you happy to talk about that for a little bit? Yeah. And whether or not you think things have changed in the way that you are towards that phrase, "I'm fine now," because of what you went through? 100%, yeah. More than happy. So back in November '22, I'd had a tough old year. It was quite a big year. Had shoulder surgery for a frozen shoulder I managed to get COVID, having avoided it prior to that. And then in the summer of that year I got a Epstein-Barr virus, which is a glandular fever. So all of those times when I was off work for any length of time, I'd go back to work and have to pick up all the work that I'd missed. So that in itself was quite stressful, but I think also the type of illness, for which shall we say, that I suffered from was also likely to drag on and cause, a rather long-winded recovery. Yeah had a sort of quite a stressful and amazing, but very stressful trip with work in the September. And then it was just after half term, day before my husband's birthday actually, that I was sitting in an armchair, thankfully at home, and I picked up my phone and couldn't use my thumb to hit the thumb button on it to open it. And I just said to him, "I can't move my hand." And he said what about your arm?" And I went, "Yeah, no, that's not moving either." He said, "Okay." Off he went, and he came back down with a blood pressure machine, which we had, and "Okay," he said, as he did whatever measurements he did. Didn't tell me anything. Asked my son to help me up off the armchair to lie on the sofa, at which point I collapsed on my right side, so obviously all that side had gone, and lay me out on the sofa. He phoned one one one at the same time, to which they spoke to me and said we're gonna call an ambulance because we think you might have had a stroke." At which point I went, "What now?" And started crying. Yeah it hadn't occurred to me. I didn't even know what was going on. I guess I was just totally out of it. And the ambulance came very quickly, and then whisked me off to Reading where they said that was the better stroke unit by accounts. And, blues and twos apparently. I didn't know this. I'm in the ambulance, whatever. And then got me into resus, the sort of urgent bit of A&E, and there they concluded after giving me two lots of albuterol that I had basically high blood pressure. And he said, "It just means you'll have to be on blood pressure tablets for the rest of your life." I was like, "Oh, great." "That's brilliant news." Moved me into A&E, left me there, to which point my face started to go numb on the same side, the right side. And the nurse called someone in, and he was like they've thrombolysed you," I think were the words. Yeah. And I said no, they just gave me albuterol," and he went stomping off, came back with a room full of people and said we're getting you upstairs to the stroke ward." And I'd had CT scans, but I hadn't had any MRI at that point. And I think the CT scan didn't show any blood clots or anything, so I guess they just concluded that I hadn't had a stroke. Anyway, a few days later they did the MRI, and that was when the consultant came back and said, "Yeah, you've had a stroke on the left-hand side of my brain." And they did all the tests to see what it could have been caused by, whether it's my heart, bloods and he said it was blood pressure, which is usually as a result of stress." Arguably stress probably didn't help. Maybe I had high blood pressure, and the stress just exacerbated things. But I was very lucky in that, arguably they said it was a young stroke, whatever that means. And my recovery, I was allowed out after a week when they sent me home, but with a six-week early discharge support team they called it. I had a nurse, a physio, psychologist I think it was, and a OT looking after me. And yeah, I had nearly a year off work recovering. To all intents and purposes I've had a full recovery. I think there are elements of me that aren't fully there, but I just have to accept that they won't be. But majority of things, I look fine. I can walk. I can talk. Yeah. I can use both hands, so yeah, quite a moment it must have been a shock though, like a psychological shock as well as a physical shock that, that had happened to you 'cause you're quite young to have a stroke. It's weird really because I still feel it didn't happen, if it's a bit of a dream- Yeah scene in my head. And when the consultant came in and said, "You had a stroke," that upset me, and I said, "You need to talk to my husband about this," 'cause I thought I, I can't take anything in. But I think it possibly had more of an impact on my family than it did me, because- Yeah I was seemingly okay, I think. There was bits that weren't great and, difficulty walking and moving my hand and stuff. But I don't know, it was a weird situation. I think, Mark, I think it, it impacted him massively because he had to be the strong one to look after me, yeah and we mustn't forget my kids, Ethan was like, "Yeah, I'm fine." Whereas Millie, I think it did impact her quite a lot, the younger one, yeah. But yeah, bit of a shock. Yeah. And I'm very pleased that you're better and- Thank you you've recovered. It sounds like you had a really good support afterwards actually with that team that were looking after you. That's really great to hear. They were brilliant. That was really good. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it was better probably being out of hospital because you got the one-on-one attention, and they focused in the time- Yeah they were there. It was only six weeks, which they were very aware of and felt very much that it's not sufficient, but that's the limit that they can stretch to. Yeah but then the psychologist, she is a trustee of Headway Thames Valley, 'cause she said, "How do you feel?" I said, "I feel a little bit nervous about being left after this six weeks." You feel like, a bit like you're abandoned really. Yeah so she said how about I refer you to Headway Thames Valley?" Which she did, and they picked up and helped me to where I am now. Still in contact with them a lot, so it was, you know- very supportive. Was there anything that you look back now and you think, there were some early warning signs that you were experiencing the high blood pressure? Was there anything that, that you look back on, reflect on, and think, "Maybe that was something I should have taken notice of"? We were. So when Millie was born, I had pre-eclampsia, which is ultimately high blood pressure. Yeah and was on blood pressure tablets for a long time afterwards, and then the doctor said, "No, I think your blood pressure's fine. We can take you off it." But weirdly, when I had my first COVID jab they were in the place in Maidenhead, they said, "Oh, we're doing blood pressure tests." I thought, "Oh, okay. May as well do it." Supposed to go regularly to check my blood pressure, and he took it and he went, "Maybe the machine's not working," and did it on another machine. And then he did it again, and he went, "Your blood pressure is really high." "And we'll contact the doctors." They sent it through. Eventually I get a thing through from the doctor saying, "Okay, can you monitor your blood pressure for a little time?" So I borrowed a machine and we logged it and when I contacted the doctor he said I think you're fine. I think it was probably white coat syndrome," where they say when it causes it to go up. Yeah. Yeah. And then I had a procedure at, at family planning clinic, want of a better term. And they said your blood pressure is supposed to drop, but yours is quite high." So I was like, "Oh, okay." Okay. And they said, "So we're gonna keep you here for a little bit till it calms down." So there were moments of it being problematic, and each time we kept in contact with the doctor, and the bottom line was, "I think you're just higher side of normal, so just keep on monitoring it. Send us lists of all your blood pressure readings," and so on and so forth. So I suspect I was always on the higher side of normal. Yeah, so perhaps it didn't take much for the stress to kick in and cause the problem. But who knows? It was a lot of things that arguably could contribute to a stroke like HRT tablets, things like that, that, I didn't have a clue about, and they hadn't been considered a problem. In hindsight, maybe, but generally because you're just stressed, you're just dealing with stuff, and you feel the heart rate go and things like that, and that's- Yeah. The thing with stress is normally you can cope with it, and it goes down, and it goes up again. But it, the idea that it was felt at that point, I think I'd felt stressed for a longer period of time. So I suspect what- Yeah ultimately happened is it just didn't recede. But by that point, I wasn't taking anything for it, and I certainly wasn't measuring it particularly regularly, yeah. So in all the organizations that you've worked for in your career have you ever had any stress management training? Have you ever been put through anything to help you manage your stress? Nope, not work-wise. This is the first company that we've managed to get that in. Which interestingly, post-stroke it was something I was like, "We need to do this, we need to do this." And then having had the conversation with Trudi, heard what she was doing, I thought this could be an interesting connection. So but yeah, no, historically for many of the companies I've worked at, I think it's perhaps more prevalent. Whether that's just since COVID or whether people are more aware of it, I don't know. But certainly the conversations we have with the kids, conversations I have at work, it's more of a topic than it ever was, I think. Yeah. No, I agree with you. It is starting to be talked about more, which is really good. We need the stigma to be gone. And that, I've probably said it to you, I say it a lot, which is that, a lot of organizations spend a lot of money on physical health and safety training, but they don't do psychological health and safety training. Even when the job that they're asking people to do is really psychologically dangerous, they still don't, they don't prioritize it. We don't as a rule see mental health in the same way that we see physical health. And it comes back to what you were saying about before, about people being slightly concerned to say that they're not fine in an office environment because you might feel that you're being judged for not being fine when everybody else is fine. In fact, they're not fine. Yeah. They're just saying it. And are covering up better than others. Yes. Some people do, and then, then it, it turns inside and it turns into that kind of a volcano that, that means that, it comes out somewhere. It manifests itself a way, doesn't it? It has to. It does. It does. And I'm writing a book about, the impact of compassion fatigue and trauma and stress and stuff, and I always laugh and say, "If I was to come and ask the same question to your family as to whether or not you were fine, they would give me a very different answer." 100%, yeah. Yeah. Totally. Because there's always something that you do. I know for a lot of people, they get very irritated at home. They fly off the handle at, really trivial stuff, and their family are like, "Whoa, what's going on with her? It's just the dishwasher." Yeah. Yeah. I just spilled a bit of milk. Yeah, I know. But it's something that, we need to become a lot more aware of it. We need to start that conversation- about the fact that it's okay. I think it should be on every agenda Yeah of every meeting. There's something in there about, looking after yourself. We obviously are always involved with organizations trying to make some changes. If I was to ask you if you had several billion pounds and you were going to design the perfect, let's say, office environment for people- is there something you think that comes straight to your mind that you think I could make the environment better so that it was less stressful? I don't know that necessarily it's the environment. I think there's just a lot of pressure on people in what they're having to do, and we're all having to work- Yeah longer hours to do the work because we haven't got necessarily as many people doing the work because businesses need to survive. Yeah and I get that. I think and interestingly, you were just saying there about checking every meeting or on agendas. So our boss does a sort of five at five on a Monday. Most of it is, how are you feeling? Is it a two, one, whatever or is it a 4.5 or even a five? And that is, a lot of it's relating to what happened over the weekend. Did we have a good weekend? Are we stressing about work? And it's quite a small group of people in that environment, but it's quite a, supposed to be quite honest. Some people feel the pressure perhaps not to be too honest, but others are very honest. So I think that's quite a good listening- Yeah thing to understand where your colleagues are. It's just needs to then go somewhere else, okay you've said that, so that basically means you're a red flag, you're a red flag, so let's make sure that we're keeping an eye on things. And it's not done across the whole department or the whole company, it's just on a little group of seven of us. Arguably those sort of check-ins are great, but should be- done and then potentially followed up on maybe in that- sort of environment. I think and something else our company's done, they've got like a little room that you can go into, it was considered a prayer room, but it's more of a wellbeing room in that people- Yeah can go in there, a bit of time out. And actually I've gone in there. So as a consequence of having a stroke, I get a bit overwhelmed with noise, light, and sometimes my brain is just too tired, too fatigued to- Yeah to focus on anything. And if I was at home, I'd probably go and have a nap for 40 minutes, but in work, clearly not gonna happen. They actually catch me in the medical room crashed out on the bed. Oh, no. But they, there's a nice chair in there and what I tend to do is a bit of yoga nidra just to get my brain to shut off for 10 minutes, and that is literally a sort of a reset of your nervous system, this particular one that I listen to. And that, having that space to do that and not be looked at, not to be feeling like a idiot sitting in a meeting room or whatever. I'm just in a room. Yes. There's no windows. That is a really good way of resetting yourself because I think the challenge is always For me anyway, I've got to just stop, get myself out of that situation, let my brain calm down, catch up, and then I come back and I feel, "Okay, I can start again." So I think, things like that are really valuable, and I think- Yeah there is, It's just making it feel less of a- You shouldn't really be doing it, and where are they, and what have they done? That kind of feeling that I think you should have it more inviting for people to consider that it's okay to do that, yeah. Yeah that's a really good point. Yeah. So does Vicky now look after herself better than she did before the stroke? If so, what is your responsible selfishness? My responsible selfishness. I was thinking about this. I do a lot of reading, so thankfully- Okay It hasn't affected my ability to read, 'cause I know some people who've had brain injury, they struggle with reading. I don't listen to music as much as I did. I quite like listening to records, but as long as it's not too loud. And I get a bit whingy if it goes too loud. So I mentioned Headway earlier. So they do calls every two weeks with other people who've had brain injuries, not specifically strokes, but various other causes. And that's a really good sort of check-in to see how other people are doing and how they're improving, and also to get advice on how we look after ourselves. So that's really valuable. And occasionally, like every quarter or maybe less frequently, we do a face-to-face, which used to be, we did an eight-week course, which was Living with Brain Injury, and that was really valuable. And there are aspects of that, that, things like silence is good. Just put yourself in a situation where there's no noise, you don't do anything, you just literally are in silence. And I love that. If my husband's on his computer listening to something that I can't bear to listen to, I'll say, "Put your headphones in, I just want a bit of peace." And- I don't need to have the noise. Whereas, we used to always put the radio on or something was always on in the background, whereas I prefer to have nothing. So- Yeah but yeah, responsible selfishness, I don't do housework as much as I did, even if I did that much then. And I lie on the sofa, get my book out, and I will just chill out, do my nails, do something- Yeah that is not using my brain too much, I think. That sounds perfect. That's a great answer. Thank you. It's been an absolute pleasure talking to you, as always. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope people are interested in how you've looked after yourself, especially post-stroke. And it's great to hear that, the charity that, that you're involved with has really helped as well, and that you had a good team looking after you too. I hope you continue to recover and to carry on reading whenever you need to. And and thank you very much for being a guest. Oh, you're very welcome. Lovely to talk to you. Take care. Bye-bye. Thanks. Cheers, bye